guided by a beating heart

Hello Saturday! 

I had to come on here to write, because I had that motivation; inspiration to again, so here I am! The topic that stuck out to me that I wanted to write about today was about life on my own and being in a new environment. I think it's be a long enough time to grasp things while having more than a months time that I can talk about this better. I feel a lot more better than if I would have wrote this two weeks into being in a new place. 

My first couple of days, month.. it was weird to be honest. It was weird in the sense that I was use to loud, noise. I went from that to complete silence, quiet and it was quite a change. I feel with changes like that, one is unsure of how to cope or more so what to do with all that free space, silence which ever one would want to call that. It was something I had to get use to to be honest, because I was use to chaos, go-go-go mode and even if I wasn't feeling good or was sick I kept always pushing forward no matter what. 

The quiet has aloud me to be in a peaceful, quiet, calm place. The atmosphere is of good, positive energy. Even my surrounding environment I moved to is very nice and the people are so kind. When I say so kind; I mean it, so kind which is not something I really could relate to from my hometown to be truthful. Everyone cares or talks to you just because or says hi, just to say hi. I feel like this is a beautiful place I chose to live and go to school. It's such a cool feeling living here and to be truthful; I don't see myself in my hometown anymore. There is nothing there for me at all, nothing good anyways for me. For me that is a place of struggles, pain, frustrations, negative energy and all around not a place for me meant to continue living there for. I have never seen myself living there or being married and raising a family there ever. From a very young age I always said I was going to move to a big city, because that was ingrained inside of my heart and soul. The only thing that I miss from my hometown is my beautiful lovely sweet heart friends. Other, than that I do not miss it at all and a lot of people have asked me that or maybe are like really you don't? I do not, as for the reasoning I have already mentioned above in this paragraph. 

I know a lot of people think I am brave for moving at my current age of twenty-five and going after something I've dreamed about forever. This dream was ingrained within the depths of my soul that has been always stuck there as I continued to get older. I also know that a lot of people also believe that I needed this. I agree; I needed a change. I needed something new, fresh, a change and I am very grateful for that change. I can do me and focus solely on me and not have to worry about others and things that are not my problems. (I don't mean that in a negative way at all, for those who may be thinking that context. I mean it in the sense of always taking care of, helping or listening to everybody else and their issues, problems etc. and not doing anything for myself.) It was my time to finally do something for me. I am grateful I took the plunge and did it no matter if people didn't agree or thought it was stupid. I had to do it, I had to take the plunge, because I felt stuck and standing in the same place not going anywhere. (I am sure some of you have felt that feeling before in life.) To be truthfully honest I don't have a single clue what I would be doing at all right now if I wasn't here. 

The other thing I like about living on my own is that I can do things the way I want to without someone else's input of why I am doing it that way or leaving certain things a certain way. I don't have to worry about putting something somewhere and it missing or not where I left it. I truly enjoy life on my own and being on my own. The experience within it's self is a true blessing

The first month I talked a lot on the phone to my dear mom almost everyday or twice a day even. I even text a lot with friends regularly during the day, almost everyday for the first month as well. As time moved forward things started to spread out naturally and calls or texts wouldn't be as frequent, but I was totally okay with that. I was okay with that, because school was becoming busy off the bat and more and more busy. My homework took over my priorities and things in life, however September is a very busy month for everyone. I had no heart feelings if I hadn't talk to certain people for a long time, because I get it. 

I am really, really, happy here and what I am doing, where I am living. I am also happy to finally have the experience of life on my own and not surrounded by other people wanting things to be their way for my life that they think is ideal or whatnot. I am glad I did me and chose the thing I wanted, not letting the others opinions influence me to back out on my decision of where I was deciding to go or what I was deciding to do. 

It's kind of funny actually that I am writing this, because yesterday was the first time I took the bus to go to the mall, because I had to do a project. The buses are exactly like back home, however the ticket slip, pass is completely different. Instead of getting a paper, you get a paper and scan it when you transfer onto another bus! It's so cool, that I am surprised my hometown does not have that feature installed on the buses there and it's a lot bigger. A first for me I got to experience, however it took half an hour to get somewhere. I am not so sure about using that all the time only when I absolutely need to or have to. 

Another aspect about living on my own, is I can eat whatever I want, buy what I want and cook when or whatever time I want. I can clean whenever I want on my set schedule. I can leave certain things if I don't have time to do it or if I only have time to do half of something. The other cool thing about living on my own is putting things how I like or where I think or want them to go. 

Something else that happens when you move is you have to make new friends, meet new people, learn new things about where you live because they are not going to be the same as your last spot you lived or hometown. (which ever that may be.) However, I will admit I was very lucky my cousin lived here that I knew one person already. One person who was family so I had something of familiarity for me, which was nice because sometimes or most of the time that doesn't happen that way for some people. I lucked out and I am beyond truly grateful for the chance to have my cousin living here, that I can hangout, talk to and do stuff with every now and again when I have time to. I am truly grateful beyond words for allowing faith to line it up that way for me to some place new. 

I have meet quite a few new people and I love it because each time I learn something new from someone, about someone or about myself. Life has some pretty special gifts and am grateful truly. I know I have said that a lot, sounding like I am a broken record, but I truly am from the bottom of my heart grateful

Ultimately, I think the thing that struck me the most that makes me feel complete in a somewhat of a sense, along with whole and calm is the serene peacefulness, the cool calmness. I also believe it allows me to seek deeper within myself of things that I have not yet allowed myself to have the chance to access or to experience. I would say finding myself, but I am unsure if that would be the correct word to describe with. I think it's more about going deeper within and seeking out the possibilities and the potential that is buried within and exists but I don't know it does because I have never allowed myself to access it or touch it. I simply may quite possible have but I touched it and did nothing about it or didn't bother to pursue it any further. 

I am truly grateful beyond belief for this beautiful magnificent opportunity. I can't wait to experience more new things that I have not had the chance to in my life ever, yet or I have but not to the fullest potential that someone could experience something. 

life is so beautiful and completely amazing and divinely genius, yet crazy beautiful and so honestly surreal that I have no idea what is in store for me. I am very curious of all the possibilities of things and of my dreams. 

This is my life at the moment on my own, in a new environment. 

Maybe I can come back on here in the new year or in May and talk about things I learnt on my own or wish someone would have told me, type post. If you would like to read something along those lines leave that in the comments below and I'll try to make that happen.

Have a lovely, beautiful Saturday! <3

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